These middle of the night feedings never get easier.

She wakes up hungry but doesn’t want to eat. She refuses to burp when you want her to but spits up as soon as you set her down or change positions. You can tell she’s SO tired but of course she won’t fall asleep, no matter how hard you try.

But eventually, once you’ve changed her twice and rocked her and sang and snuggled and done everything you can possibly think of, she finally falls back asleep.

And everything is quiet. Still. Peaceful.

Some nights I’m so relieved I put her down right away and crawl back into bed before she has a chance to wake up. But some nights, like tonight, I hold her a little longer.

Stare at her face. Breathe in her smell. Memorize her heartbeat.

Everyone keeps telling me how this won’t last forever, and while a little part of me finds encouragement in that, most of me doesn’t, because they’re right; it won’t last forever.

She won’t be little forever. She won’t need me like this forever. And while there’s some relief in moving past this stage and so much excitement about getting to watch her grow, my heart is sad I can’t keep her like this.

Time is already flying by so fast and I know it won’t ever slow down. So, in moments like this, I have to slow myself down.
Stop. Rest. Soak up each precious moment while I still can. And choose to be joyful, even through the rough waters.

Being a mom is no joke. I have never done something so challenging in my life. But the love… the joy…the pride my heart feels watching her grow each day…it’s the biggest blessing ever.

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