Journey With Me: 1 Year of No Dating

God, Why me?!?

This was my exact response as God told me to enter an intentional year of dating at the end of October. It was truly the last thing I wanted to hear. I was ready for my husband like 6 months ago.

As I got an attitude with God, I knew deep down that I wasn’t going to get out of this year. And the saying “Obedience is better than sacrifice” quickly entered my mind. So I said God, fine 1 year but after that I want a husband.

See, I just had an unintentional year of no dating. A year with zero, zip, nada prospects. Coming from someone who always stayed with at least 1 person to entertain this was hard. But during this year God showed me who I was to him, that my worth was in him and not man. God stripped me to help rebuild the best version of Alexandria. The version he imagined when he created me.

After a few moments, more like a day, I said God fine the next year is all about me and you. I sat down and created some goals for each month, because I needed my mind to be focused on improving me and not the fact I will spend the next year single yet again.

See when we shift our focus from just waiting on the promise to what can I do to improve myself in this time, it will go by quickly.

In these last almost 4 months I have joined a new church, started serving in church, building community with other like minded women, and spending more time with God. Truly seeking him and his heart.

I want to take you on this journey with me. I know everyday won’t be great, I have experienced some days where I had to shake the thoughts of loneliness and feeling like I was not enough. But what I know is that God will use this year of pruning to prepare me for every promise he has for me, which is much bigger than just getting married.

Have you ever been on a year of intentional no dating? I would love to hear your experience! Are you in this season now? Let’s talk about it!

True Life: I’m a Professional Quitter

My name is Alexandria Mann, and I am a professional quitter.

From a very young age I quit many activities I was involved in including dance, cheer, playing the violin, Girl Scouts. This habit of quitting when I was either over the excitement of something new or was not good after 1 day of doing it( this was the perfectionist in me) has followed me in adulthood. And this habit of quitting has done way more bad than good if I could be honest.

Today on my Facebook I posted this statement: When you are ready to quit ask yourself: Am I choosing to give up because it’s the right thing or because it seems like leaving would be easier?

Last year I really struggled with the idea of quitting my job. I have been with my company 5 years and in my current position I have not had the most pleasant experience. My job is very intense and can be fast paced which could lead to stress about meeting deadlines add on top of that a manager who is not the best and a understaffed department you can imagine my daily struggle. By June 2018 I had reached a place of what I thought was my breaking point and I was ready to throw up the deuces. I started looking for other jobs and weighing my options and one day in my quiet time God said didn’t you pray for this job? So you just going to quit because it’s not going how you thought it would?

So many times many of us quit something, whether a job, walking in purpose, or a relationship, at the first sign of it not going your way. I’m here to tell you (and myself) that giving up may not be the best answer.

I’m not saying it’s never right to quit, because sometimes it is. But what I am saying is are you making the decision to quit off emotions or have you consulted God? Emotions are fleeting and life changing decisions should not be made off emotions alone. The Word tells us that the plans the Lord has for us are good, so have you asked him is this part of the plan?

If you are like me and you are a professional quitter, today we will declare that we will be like our Heavenly Father and finish what we have started. And when we have the desire to quit we will turn to God first. The spirit of quitting is keeping some of us from experiencing the full promise if God in our life.

One of the goals of The King’s Daughter is to inspire you to live your best life. So today I encourage you to spend time with God and ask Him should you stay or quit. He will never steer you wrong.

I Apologize

I want to thank everyone who takes the time out to read my blogs. In 2017 I launched this blog with intentions of inspiring people through my many lessons learned. In the past year I have not been consistent with my blog and honestly not much else that God has instructed me to do. For that I apologize. Not only to you as my supporters, but to God for being disobedient.

Going into 2019 I asked God to give me a word that would be the tone of my year. He said intentionality and consistency. These are 2 things he most desires I commit to this year. Not only in my purpose, but my health, finances, and relationships. He reminded me that being a good steward meant being consistent and intentional. God has called all of us to be stewards over the resources and relationships He has given us.

2019 will be the year that I level up in every area because I will be intentional and consistent.

The King’s Daughter is my heart. I enjoy writing and pouring out what God has placed in my heart. I have some amazing things planned for 2019 and I can’t wait to share with you. Thank you for you all your support!

With Love,

Alex

The Key to Contentment

“God where is my husband?”

“God I’m tired of working so hard with no recognition at work.”

“God I’m tired of this season that I’m in.”

These are some of the things I have said to God in my quiet time over the last few months. As you can see from these statements, your girl was far from content. I was the complete opposite and I was becoming frustrated because it felt like God was just ignoring me. Like “Hey God, it’s me Alex!” And all I got back was crickets.

So one day I just asked God how can I be content. Like what is the secret to being content not just right now, but in every season. So as I sat quiet on my drive to work I was expecting a response and you know what I got…crickets again. Like God come on.

As my day and the week progressed I totally forgot I asked God that question. Until I sat in church on Saturday night. (Yes, on a Saturday night and if you are in Atlanta you should join us at The GO Downtown!)

That week we started a new sermon series and it was about being generous. As I sat in church my Pastor mentioned gratitude. And God said that’s the key. God is that you? Did I just hear God after what felt like weeks of no answer. I did! And he answered my prayer. The key to being content in any season is gratitude.

That seems simply enough. Be grateful for the life God has blessed with you. Cool, I got this.

Then I log onto Instagram and another college classmate has announced their engagement or pregnancy. In this moment I was not thinking about gratitude. All that consumed my mind was God I can’t wait for this moment. But I didn’t want that to be my thought anymore. Yes I want to be married one day but I am grateful for the life I have now. God has truly blessed me.

So it got me to thinking. How can I make this practical? How can I express gratitude. So here are the two things I have started doing to help me have a gratitude mindset.

1. Every morning I start to thank God for the basic things. Like thank you God for lights, waking me up, working limbs, running clean water, a house, a car, clothes, a job, and etc. This has truly helped me to be grateful for things I may normally take for granted.

2. Every night I write down one thing that happened that day that I am grateful for in my journal.

The biggest thing about changing your mindset is being intentional and knowing it won’t happen over night but through capturing every thought as the Bible says.

Are you content in your current season?

If so share some tips on how you achieved being content? Are you struggling like me? Well let’s be accountability partners. We can conquer discontentment! I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

I was on a prayer walk today and I was asking God why I seem not to be able to cut off this ex. I was telling God I really love him even though we have cut romantic ties and are attempting to be friends. I know this friendship is a slippery slope and I am ready to be able to just let go of everything. The friendship is just a way got us to still have access to one another and not because we are actually friends, so it’s time to let that go.

Then God said to me “What does love have to do with it? Just because you love someone or something doesn’t mean it needs a place in your life.”

I literally stopped dead in my tracks. God was right! Well when isn’t he right? Lol But what did love have to do with it?

Nothing. I was using love as an excuse to not move. To stay in a place I no longer wanted to be but I told myself because of love I needed to stay here. When actuality all I need is Jesus and water lol.

It got me to thinking what and who else was still in my life just because of love? I was using love as an excuse and that is not love. Was I still in a friendship with people because of love? Or staying at my job? And the more I thought of different things I realized the things I felt that needed to be removed I no longer really loved, I use to love them but I out grew them.

As a society we almost feel like it’s crazy to out grow people and things that no longer meet the needs of our life. Everybody is screaming “these are my day ones.” And yes it’s nice to have long healthy relationships, but it’s okay if you have outgrown that friend from 3rd grade or high school. People change and it’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you don’t like them or value them, they just no longer have a place in your life.

Until we realize that it is okay to walk away from people and things that no longer fit in the life that God is leading us in, we will always experience unnecessary pain. The pain will come when God has to remove these things and people from our life, which is never fun.

So what are you holding on to because of love?

Are You Settling For Better?

Do you want to know the secret to getting the best in life?!? You have to pass up better. Simple enough right? Seems like a simple enough concept, you are probably thinking I can do that. But trust me it is harder than what it seems.

If you are anything like me you have been through your fair share of ups and downs. So much so that when something decent comes around you jump on it. Rather it be a relationship, job, or just any opportunity. Because something is better than nothing right? Wrong.

God did not create you and give you a purpose on Earth to settle for anything mediocre. He desires for you have to the absolute best. His best. But to get to that best we have to not settle. This reminds of the story Goldilocks and the Three Bears. She did not settle when the first two porridges or beds weren’t the best for her. She kept seeking and she got the best. That should be all of our mentality when it comes to every opportunity in life.

Say this with me: I was not created to settle. Now I challenge you to say that everyday until you truly believe it. Settling is a choice you make when you don’t either trust God will fulfill His promise to you or that you don’t deserve God’s best. Both of those are lies from the enemy. God will always fulfill His promises, the question is do you have the patience and discipline to wait on Him? And to be honest none of us deserve the goodness that God shows us because we all fall short, but that is why we are thankful for his grace and mercy. God sees us as his children and will always give us the best gifts.

God will fulfill his promises for you! But are you ready to pass up better to get His best?

Lessons: From Year 27

As my last day as a 27 year old *insert tears* I felt inspired to write about what I learned this year. 27 was one of the most eventful years of my life. With me celebrating year 27 in Miami what else did I expect?!?

27 provided me lots of ups and downs but it was a turning point year in my life, so I’m grateful for every lesson. So here are 27 lessons I learned this year.

1. Walking away is hard but staying will hurt you even more

2. Moving forward requires movement

3. Change is uncomfortable but necessary

4. God’s love is enough

5. Some stress is self inflicted

6. Wise counsel is needed

7. Age is nothing but a number and has no effect on maturity levels

8. Counseling is a necessary part of your wellness

9. Character is developed in difficult situations

10. It’s okay to love people from a distance

11. Prayer is not equivalent to abracadabra. God is not a genie.

12. Things happen for me not to me

13. Choosing happiness daily is important

14. Some people will never want to see you win or do better than them

15. Friend is an earned title

16. You have something to say, so speak up

17. Holding on hurts more than letting go

18. You can truly be happy to see your ex’s happy and thriving

19. Buying a house is exhausting but sooo rewarding

20. Don’t allow other people insecurities and fears to hold you back

21. Showing grace to others means allowing 1 car over in front of you. Even though they waited until the last minute to get over lol.

22. God’s opinion of me is the only one that matters. I seek to please only Him.

23. When you reach new levels the enemy tries to up his strategies. But like that State Farm commercial I tell him “you gotta be quicker than that”

24. Do what makes you happy.

25. God has me hidden for a reason. My worth is priceless and he is not just going to let anybody get close to his most precious gift.

26. Drink your water.

27. Get a wellness routine. Massages, facials, and pedicures are a necessity for your mental health.

A Lot Can Happen In A Year

Sitting here writing this is surreal. They say a lot can happen in a year and my life was totally wrecked this past year.

August 12, 2017 I was sitting in a hotel room with the guy I was currently dating after attending one of my favorite artist concerts. I should have been on a high from all the excitement of the night but as I laid there I was fighting an internal battle. For the millionth time in the last several months I was asking myself what was I doing? This is not the life I imagined for myself. At 26 I wanted to be married and about to have my second child. The second child was an option but marriage, or even a committed relationship was nowhere in sight. Was I wasting my time with this guy? Or should I give him more time to see I was the one?

I was honestly tired of the internal battle I had been dealing with. I knew God, but like Bey and Jay I was on the run from having a real relationship with God.

I knew something had to change. But how? I was so desperate. I remember silently crying out to God to just show me how to get the life I knew he had for me. God had never spoke so clearly to me. I knew I had to drop everything that was my comfort and have a real relationship with him.

I was just like Peter, I dropped my fishing net and followed Jesus. I had so much peace about it. I knew this was the only way I could have the life God had for me and I never looked back.

During this last year God has taken a broken, insecure girl and molded me into the confident woman I am today. I know God is still working on me but He has already brought me so far. The things I desired were given to me in ways that were better than I could imagine. God showered me with so much love and truly aligned me to encounter different people and ministries at the perfect time.

Putting down my ways and truly following Jesus with all my heart has been the best decision I have ever made. God has provided me friends for life, an amazing mentor, and so much peace. This journey has not always been easy, walking outside of your comfort zone never is, but I would not change one thing about it.

On August 12, 2017 I changed the entire trajectory of my life. I surrendered my life to Christ.

So God Told Me No…What Do I Do?

I pray to God for inspiration each week before deciding on what to write about. And every week He allows the flood gates to open up on me. Like pour down. So remember the ex from last week that I saw on a date. Well he admitted since that last conversation that the girl he was with was actually his girlfriend. Imagine my surprise. I was about to be a side chick and didn’t even know it 🤦🏽‍♀️.

But God. *insert praise dance here*

So as I sat there reading the message that my ex sent over and over I realized God protected me. God knew what the future held doing it my way and he put up a road block. This was the answer to the prayer I had been praying for almost 3 years. “God show me if he is the one.” I can’t count how many times God answered that prayer and I always refused to accept his answer. In all honestly I just wanted God to answer the way I wanted which was “yes and now go run off and get married!” Dramatic I know. But who doesn’t want to get their way? I know I do. This time I had no choice. I had to let this situation go, for good. No more trying to be friends, which was just a way for both us to try and hang on to the other.

In that moment I had to be honest with myself and answer “What am I holding on to?” I was holding on to the familiarity of him. The fact that I knew what his flaws were and I was okay with living with them. And to be 100% honest I questioned if anyone else would want me and make me feel like he did. As a single mom, sometimes you question your desirability with so many people walking around screaming they don’t want someone with a child.

So now what do I do? God has told me no in big red neon letters this time. How do you handle the answer to your prayer being no?

First, you have to trust God. Know God has your best interest at heart, even when you don’t. I don’t know about you but I’ve had made some decisions knowing it wasn’t the best. I cared about how I felt in the moment not necessarily thinking about how it will effect my future.

Second, be honest with God about your frustration with him telling you no. God cares about you and wants to build a relationship with you. This means he wants you to tell him when you are upset and frustrated, even with Him. It feels good to release your feelings onto God. He will always be there to comfort you. His word tells us to cast our cares on to him. So do just that and you might be surprised about what he says back.

Lastly, change your mindset from God took this from me to God has better for me. God wants the absolute best for you! If you submit to God and His will you will be blessed way more than you can imagine. After reading The Wait, which I highly recommend, it changed my thought process about having a expectancy spirit. God has some AMAZING things planned for you if you just wait on him. You can only see what is in front of you, God sees the future. I don’t know about you but I would rather go with God’s way since he can see the future.

I know in the moment it doesn’t feel great when God says no to your prayers. I’m there right now, but I can say when I focused on God and his promises it made it easier to deal with. I will make it through and you will make it through. We have God on our side so we won’t lose!

I would love to hear how you handle it when God says no to you?

Bible verses to meditate on: 1 Peter 5:7 and Jeremiah 29:11

The Power of Being Sober

So this morning I had a post ready to go and it was good y’all. I was ready to post it and BAM, I got the strongest feeling of “Don’t do it.” It was intense y’all! I was like okay this is clearly God stopping me from posting. So I prayed about it and I knew I had no business posting the blog I wrote. I was kind of hurt because I really wanted to get you all’s feedback, but I knew that wasn’t the right way. Instead, I will discuss what I learned about myself in this situation and some tips to help you avoid making the same mistake.

So here is the short version of the backstory: I meet a guy, we started seeing each other. Two years later, we stopped dating. Eight months after that, I received a message from him that stirred up some old feelings. A few days later, we are at the same event and I saw him with a date. I responded to the situation in an emotional way, and admittedly, we were both upset with the other. Thirty-six hours later, we resolved the situation and cleared up some miscommunication and decided to allow our relationship to go back to what it was before this encounter. *deep breath*

I know a lot.

As I prayed for direction when I knew I couldn’t post my original blog, I came across a list I wrote during a seminar about the traits of a godly woman. I started to read the traits over and over and the trait of being sober stuck out. Of all the traits listed it was the one trait I did not exemplify. I react out of emotion more times than not. It was the lesson in all of this, I need to learn to respond soberly.

Let’s take a second and define what I mean by sober. Sober in this context is about not allowing your emotions to take over and be the guiding force in how you respond to a situation. In most cases, when you respond in a incoherent state, you look back and you wish you could change what you said or how you said it.

Now that we understand what sober is, let’s look at my situation and discuss the power of being sober.

The entire time I dated this guy I reacted out of emotion. I would feel a certain way and react on it immediately and within 24 hours, I was back peddling my way out of a situation I helped create or caused to escalate.

So on Saturday after seeing him and his date, I was overwhelmed with so many emotions from “Man, he still looks good” to wanting to know where this new girl came from. I responded in the most typical way by sending the infamous “Have a good life” text. I know, I know. That was not the best way to respond, but in the moment, I let my emotions decide how to respond. Luckily my situation did not end horribly, but it could have very easily based off that response.

Responding in a sober mindset is powerful. Being able to state how you feel and the reasoning without heightened emotions will allow you think clearly and not make fast, harsh decisions. I’m not saying feelings aren’t valid, but what I am saying is that you can’t make sound decisions off of feelings alone. Think about the last time you reacted when your emotions were at an all-time high. Do you wish things went differently? That you would have reacted differently?

So how do you remain sober in the moment?

1. Know that your first response may not be your best response.

It’s easy to say the first thing that comes to your mind, but it’s not necessarily always the right thing to say. Sometimes no response is the best response. When you give yourself a moment to process the situation you are better able to make a sound rational response that you won’t later regret. Also, petty responses do not help situations when emotions are high. A practical strategy would be to count to 10 in your head and then respond. This allows you time to actually process what was said or done to you and how you should properly respond.

2. Just walk away.

This is the one good thing I did on Saturday. When I was overwhelmed with emotion in the moment, I excused myself from the situation. Walking away is not the same as running from the situation, but a really good tool that allows you to breathe and regain the ability to rationally think. But don’t be like me and walk away, continue to talk about the situation, and then text the person. It defeats the purpose of walking away. I know it may be hard, but it will help you return to a sober state. Walking away might not be something you can do every time but it could also be beneficial to take a mental walk. Respond with a “Can we discuss this in a few minutes?” and start thinking positive thoughts such as scripture or affirmations.

3.Pray.

This honestly should be your first response to any situation. As Christians, we know that giving every area of our life to God is the best way to live. So why not pray when you become overwhelmed with emotion? You can say a quick prayer such as, “God, at this moment I am overwhelmed with emotions and I want my response to reflect You. Please allow the words that I speak to be honoring to You. I submit this situation entirely to You. Amen.”

I hope these tips will help you the next time you are in a situation where you are heated. Have you been in a situation like mine? How did you respond? If you use these tips let me know if they helped you remain sober!

“The lips of the godly speak helpful words, but the mouth of the wicked speaks perverse words.” – Proverbs 10:32 NLT