This Christmas season is making me emotional.

This time last year, I was very, very pregnant and impatiently waiting for my baby girl to arrive. And although I didn’t have the emotional capacity to write about it then, that season made me relate to Mary like I never have before; and it made me understand the miracle of Jesus like never before.

Having a baby in December is the most overwhelming thing I have ever experienced. Christmas is already a busy and stressful time of year, and then add in growing a human being and well, my anxiety was at an all time high.

Fast forward to my postpartum season and the anxiety somehow grew even more – and the postpartum depression tagged along with it. Exhaustion and overwhelm consumed me, and it took everything in me to get through the days without losing my ever loving mind.

I can easily say those were the hardest twelve weeks of my life. I was physically, mentally, and spiritually drained. There was so much going on in my brain that I literally couldn’t think straight. A whirlwind of emotions that felt like they were going to swallow me whole.

But. God.

Day by day, moment by moment, prayer by prayer, tear by tear, hard conversation by hard conversation. He faithfully used it all to heal me back up again.
I was determined to skip the whole postpartum battle this second time around, but God knew that going through it all again was just what I needed to dig down deep in faith and pull myself back up above the waters.

My daughter’s name means “to have courage” and boy oh boy has The Lord used her life to absolutely change me. She has taught me so much about how to be brave, confident, and determined. She challenges me every single day to wake up and fight the good fight, not because I have to, but because I want to. I look at her face and see the fierce warrior of God she is… and she reminds me that so am I.

My girl? She’s changed everything.

So as I sit here one week before Christmas, I can’t help but think about all that’s happened this year… not just in my family, but in my body, mind, and soul. To remember where I was last Christmas and see where I am now is something I can’t shake. The growth and goodness God has shown me is something I can’t comprehend and something I don’t deserve; but that right there is exactly why Jesus came.
To love us.
To carry us.
To heal us.
To help us.
To give us hope for tomorrow, no matter the battle we’re in.

Looking back at this past year is absolutely exhausting – but in the most wonderful way. So, so much has changed in just a years time… And reflecting on it all makes my heart just that more grateful for the gift of Jesus this Christmas.

Thank you, Father for sending your son to change the world.
And thank you for sending my daughter to change mine.

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